Ongoing Battle Within

February 10th, Saturday

You write when no one’s listening. And that’s what I do, especially at times when the pain is unbearable. It is exhausting, demoralizing, helping absolutely nothing but making everything worse. Holding onto your dreams will eventually get you somewhere, as long as you dream on. Sometimes I get up with a mood at a step away from giving up on dreaming. They were my friends, now are my worst enemies.

Another greyish day in the Swiss mountains that I already made up my mind on wasting it as quick as possible. Such horrors in my mind appear without my control, where my inner voice is alarming. Truly exhausted of whatever this is, and don’t remember how many times I wished to give up on it. Eventually, all major decisions are sort of trades; you get something in return every time you give up. And in these brutal times, it never looked more terrifying to me.

There are certain questions that are destructive, and you unconsciously find yourself asking yourself. Meanwhile, also don’t remember ever wishing going back to that life before this nightmare happened. Strange enough, I remember those times as being content, yet wouldn’t trade going back with my today.